IT’S OKAY TO BE DIFFERENT
I’ve never really felt like I fit in.
[DISCLAIMER: this isn’t a sad tale of rejection, bullying or isolation]
I’ve always felt a bit different, my whole life.
Making friends doesn’t come easily to me, but more than that I’ve always struggled to get those deeper connections – forge those ride or die friendships that see you through thick and thin.
Don’t get me wrong, I’ve got some truly incredible friends – and one or two have actually been a valuable part of my life for decades, but I don’t have that close group of girlfriends I’ve often longed for.
I was about to write ‘I was your average kid in every way…’ until I thought about it, because in truth – I was far from average.
I was under-average in so may ways!
[wait…before you start feeling sorry for me, read on!]
I wasn’t a good student – never able to concentrate for very long and my results paid the price.
I never enjoyed any form of sports (except for a brief stint at gymnastics, which abruptly ended when I fell off the beam onto my back!).
Even though I had lots of friends, and to the outside world may have looked ‘popular’, I was never very confident in my position in any group and always felt slightly left-field.
I always felt different – and looking back that’s essentially what made me feel lonely quite a lot.
It’s hard to let go and just be when you have this nagging suspicion that no-one likes you, no-one really wants you there, and everyone else is better friends with each other than with you.
And I was above-average in many ways too!!
I’ve always had heaps of imagination, creativity and a natural ability to write.
These three wondrous gifts have served me well all my life.
I’ve always had razor sharp intuition, been an innovative thinker, and see simple solutions where other’s only see problems.
I’ve always been straight-talking, opinionated, enthusiastic and incredibly passionate.
On top of this, I’ve always know, with absolute certainty, that I’m destined for greatness (although I never said that out loud and still feel a bit awkward saying it now!).
The stuff that made me above-average was also the stuff that created my biggest limiting beliefs and self-doubts… I always worried that people perceived me as bossy, too opinionated, and perhaps a bit superior •shudder•
It’s the feeling of being different, combined with the worry that people don’t like, me that’s followed me around forever.
It’s kept me in hiding, playing small, too worried to burst open and shine the full force of my light into the world for fear of judgment and rejection.
I’ve been on a life-changing journey of personal discovery over the last few years – it’s ongoing and will be for ever more.
And over the last few months I’ve come to some startling realisations!
IT’S OKAY NOT TO BE LIKED
This is a BIGGIE for someone whose felt different and kinda un-likeable for most of her life!
During a recent session with my coach, I realised I’ve become a People Pleaser – this shocked me and my first reaction was ‘Me – no way!’ – but when she explained what a people pleaser really is, it was me all over!
Because I worry people won’t like me, I mould myself to suit them, I’m over eager to help them, I’ll do whatever it takes to make them happy and then they’ll like me!
This made me fearful to ‘sell’ anything or attach ‘value’ to my offers, because what if they thought badly of me for it! Doh!
Here’s another problem with that little scenario: it comes across as needy!
And we all know – needy is creepy, right!
Here’s how it plays out…
My desperate need for approval and to be liked is what I need from you, and you sense this.
You sense there’s an ulterior motive in there, that I need something from you…so you slowly edge backwards and slip away from me.
I’ve been placing too much emotional attachment on the outcome – and it’s heaped on the pressure because if things don’t work out, my emotional wellbeing is always on the line! Doh!
AND…because I always feel like I need something from others, I also always assume everyone needs something from me.
So I slowly edge backwards and slip away from them
DING DING DING DING!
Total life-changing light-bulb moment!
BEING DIFFERENT IS GOOD
All that stuff that’s always made me feel different from everyone else is turning into an incredible career as a coach!
I’ve finally come to a place where I can use my gifts to have a truly positive impact on those around me, and I’m paid to do it!
Never in a million years did I think this would be possible for me!
Being slightly left-field, being opinionated, direct, passionate and straight-talking…all the stuff I thought was ‘too much’ about me before, is actually what sets me apart and has me resonating with people on an astoundingly deep level.
My cut-through-the-crap get straight-to-the-point approach…combined with a good dose of emotional intelligence and empathy…are what’s making me such a great coach!
It’s astounding to me that I can finally unleash everything inside me, and it’s actually a good thing!
Being so different is setting me apart, getting my voice heard, and pulling my dream clients towards me!
Learning these things about myself has changed the game for me entirely.
I’m more confident, focussed and driven than ever before.
I’m seeing this more clearly and am not afraid to powerfully coach my clients with everything I have.
I no longer attach my emotional wellbeing to the outcome, and am fine with the fact that not everyone will like me.
This means I’m able to make bold offers and talk about the value I deliver, and my business is now thriving because of it.
So, if you’ve ever felt different or like you don’t fit in, if you’ve felt fear of judgment or that you are hiding your true self away…I’m here to tell you it’s time to set yourself free!
I’ve been on this journey, and I can help you on it too.
Pop some time in my Cuppa Calendar and let’s have a chat about how to break you out of the box you’ve outgrown, and release the full magic of your incredible light onto the world!